Happy Life with a Russian Wife

Posted By admin on November 19, 2009

• We try to control what we cannot control. As a rule, the more we used to control our lives before the crisis, the more difficult it is for us to cope with the fact that life is something uncontrollable. We can make plans and even apply to clairvoyants for help, but life will still bring surprises. We might either drown in this river of life, or keep swimming in it weak-willed running against all the sideways. There is another option: we can learn to watch the environment attentively, to raw the boat and to manage our own movement in the flow, having fun.

• We panic or get depressed, which is one and the same thing in substance. We start thinking that life is over, nothing good awaits us, and there are too many commitments to everybody including family, friends, colleagues and bosses. Ok, ask yourself a simple question, what will happen if you die? How will they live without your unfulfilled commitments? I am more than sure that the answer will be surprisingly easy: these people will not die immediately, but will redistribute the commitments in case they are really necessary, or will be relieved to discard them if they are not.

• We withdraw and suffer, because the image of a good girl/boy is destroyed by bell book and candle, and asking for help means acknowledging it publicly. We even cannot ask for professional help without apologies, fearing to burden another person. For example, none of the women who had written to me spared apologies about applying for assistance, although training conditions put it clearly that I provide couching support during my trainings.

• We think that we are extremely lonely and unique, that nobody will ever accept and understand us, that our situation is the most fearsome in the world.

• The other side of the medal – we apply to our girlfriends or relatives who feel sorry for us, but cannot help professionally. They stroke you and say that you are a good girl anyway, and others are baddies or circumstances are wrong, which makes the problem worse.

• We compare ourselves with others. We think, “Others are more successful, they do everything better, it never happens to them,” without taking into consideration (or even knowing about) what they had started from, their unique sides, obstacles they had met, or efforts they had made. We make conclusions based on a glamorous picture. The comparison undermines the value of our own achievements. That is why we make another mistake:

• We label ourselves as dumb, living in a wrong way and being incapable of doing anything. At my forum (http://justbestlife.com/forum/), we needed team work to find out lots of good things about each of the training participants. There was none incapable of doing anything. Our abilities are different, and it is great, because we can join other people’s efforts to achieve the best results.

• We become impatient if we do not get immediate results. Meantime, I am not aware of a crisis that lasted for eternity. A crisis finishes by either going to last home, or to another level of life. It is our choice where to move.

• We do not trust the process and the Universe. Indeed, we needed many years to gradually become what we are now, acting in a certain way. But nevertheless we want immediate results to cope with the challenges we have faced during the crisis. So we start rushing about instead of making a stop to evaluate the situation and choose one direction of moving. If we do this, we will achieve a certain point with certain results, based on which we can decide if it is what we need or not. Many people do not get the award they have deserved just because they give in when they are very close to a winning finish.

• We try to stick to our past, especially to our past merits, “Why, we were so happy together…” or “He said”…. or “They noticed me”… – Yes, they noticed you, but then they dismissed you. Yes, he said…. But he says it no more. Yes, you were happy. Now you are not. The past is over! Everything is different now. Even if your relationships with that person or those people improve, they will be different. And if they stay the same, you will face the same crisis. The Groundhog Day… Until you learn your lessons.

Good news is that if the past was bad, it is gone too. So it is necessary to look around and turn over a new leaf. But what do we do? –

• We try to find the reason why instead of looking for a way out, and get stuck in it. “Why did it happen, and why did it happen to me?” It seems that if we find an answer to this question, everything will change in a magical way. I dare to assure you that nothing will change. The thing is, you have outgrown the limits of your former space and it’s time to move forward. The question to be asked is what you need to change in your approaches to life and what you can do for it right here and now. But we –

• Put responsibility on circumstances and other people. A bad boss, a husband who does not meet our requirements, children behaving in a wrong way… Our thoughts about what would be if this or that did not happen… Stars were not on our side… But the present state of affairs is as it is. I repeat it once again: we have outgrown our former approaches, but forgot to open the door to another space/level. There are no good or bad people or those to blame in this situation. We have just grown up. It will never occur to you to blame parents for their child growing, won’t it?

Twice I left from very prestigious positions. When I found a job after the first dismissal, I got into absolutely the same working relationships that did not satisfy me. Then I decided to quit it myself, but I could no longer find the job matching my level. Finally, I realized that I just do not want to be responsible for my life, though I have already outgrown traditional subordination frames. The pieces of the puzzle got into its place. Finally, I realized that the flow of Life will always support me; I just have to utilize its resources. It happens with other people too. But we make another mistake –

• We do not notice signs of improvement. Even when very successful people appear in our environment, and even when we do something we have never done before and start getting the first results, we keep singing the old song, “Give me a million dollars, and I will change my world.” In this case, if somebody gave us a million dollars in reality, we would have created a lot of problems with its help, because we do live in problems and do not welcome happiness. And

• The biggest mistake is that we do not want to get out of this crisis! Yesterday I saw a joke proving this. A man hurt his arm and asked his colleague to help him bring papers to the office. Other colleagues were so attentive to him, and the boss let the man go home earlier. His wife asked him, “How is your arm?” He said, “It is ok.” – “Then when are you going to get rid of this bandage?” – And he replies, “Perhaps, never!”

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Tags: Choice, Crisis, Failures, Feeling Bad, List, Mistakes, Personal Growth