On The Five Languages of Love
Posted By admin on December 1, 2009
Gary D. Chapman, an American psychotherapist, wrote a book that has literally saved my marriage. It’s called “The Five Love Languages.” The book was given to me by my brother-in-law’s wife after her having heard my passionate questions on how to better understand my husband. Based on many years of observations, the author states that if we find out the “languages” you and your partner express your love in, your life will become much brighter and more resourceful. Here’s his classification:
1. Words of Affirmation - compliments, words of approval and acceptance. Perhaps your partner needs them as your expression of love, and you do not use them frequently because you need other things. You cannot even guess that your partner needs them. Or just the opposite, you expect approval, and your partner considers it to be an unnecessary sentiment.
2. Quality Time – the time for two of you only. No matter what it is filled with: creative work or reading together, intimate talk or sex. It is important that no one can infringe upon this Special Time with your partner.
3. Receiving Gifts. Perhaps gifts are liked by everyone, but for some people they are like the air we breathe. For them, presents are a sign of love. And if this is your “language,” you feel aggrieved and undervalued, while your partner does not even realize that, because s/he has other ways to express his/her feelings.
4. Acts Of Service. For someone, making dinner or washing the dishes, or doing anything about the house is a tiresome routine, and someone else assigns a specific meaning to this work. These people can be hurt very much when their acts of love are not valued and noticed.
5. Physical Touch. Much is written on the need for physical touch and its healing power. While for some people even a fleeting touch can be a gift of love, for others it might not be important. And if you touch such a person when s/he is busy doing something, s/he becomes irritated, because your touch distracts him/her…
My husband and I were reading this book together and performing tests that showed that we had spoken different “love languages” that had had very little in common. Since then, we have started to learn each other’s languages. Something began to change …
If you are interested in this subject and want to find out your major love languages, please leave your comment. Then I will continue the theme in this blog.
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