Money, money, money…
Posted By admin on February 12, 2010
Oh, that financial (in-)dependence in marriage! How often a mere mention of some upcoming expenses gives rise to disputes and quarrels in a family! By the way, in our recent issue, “Sharing Our Experience: Purchases for Me,” we discussed how difficult it is sometimes for a foreign husband to understand his Russian wife when she needs this or that purchase. Not in terms of its appropriateness for the family and house, but in terms of its importance for her personally.
How do different families solve this problem? Each international family searches for and finds its own solutions that satisfy the needs of both spouses. Below, you will find a couple of ways to address this issue based on the experience of two different international couples.
Here’s one example (cited from a letter):
“By the way, we have found the following solution of the problem with the money for my personal expenses. Next week, my husband will open a bank account for me. He will replenish it monthly with a certain amount that I can spend entirely as I wish. And when (hopefully) I start working as much as I want doing what I want, we will reevaluate this decision if necessary. I like this option because it gives me some freedom on the one hand, and provides a certain support while I am getting familiar the local financial system on the other.”
And the other example:
“I liked your solution of the money issue. It replicates the relations of an American couple, of course. They all strive for financial independence. And my American husband does not want me to become independent, for he is constantly worried that I would leave him, although there’s no reason for this and it is just an idea in his head… Therefore, we do smoothly so far with a small bank account shared by two of us. He made me a co-owner having warned me honestly that he has a couple of other accounts… I have all credit cards and debit cards, but usually it’s he who pays for all the purchases because we are always together.
Continuing the thought about the financial independence, I can say that I’m not used to asking permission to buy every little thing, and here, in the States, I am just tired of this. Moreover, I would like to get my own pension. Although Bill had explained to me that his pension is now approximately equal to his salary and we are safe enough and should only be economical, my Russian mind is haunted by the word HIS pension. I would be more confident having some of MY part. Who knows what can happen… It is impossible to predict anything.
If your husband offered you to look for another man, mine hinted that “perhaps you would be better at home (in Russia), but, of course, he has no money for a return ticket”. It was at the beginning of my arrival, after my invasion into his chaotically placed things. So you did not surprise me. Hopefully, I’ve at least reassured you by the fact that you are not alone in this situation.
Bill has known about my independence for a long time. When he came to visit me in Russia, I had no time for lunch so busy I was at work. And he had also seen my car and the apartment fully furnished and all. Our problem is just the opposite: he is afraid of my being too independent, thence his attitude. But like you, I cherish the hope that we are still getting used to living together as a couple!”
We hope that those two examples were useful to you.
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