Happy Life with a Russian Wife

Posted By admin on February 26, 2010

While looking forward to the coming of spring and the International Women’s Day, let us remember about this seasonal holiday, our associations with it and the meaning attached to it. Perhaps you will want to change something in your traditional approach to the celebration of March 8 after reading our issue about the relationship building experience of an international couple. The article is provided by Liubov Latypova, a certified life coach.

“I was sitting at the table that was set for a festive dinner and cried wiping tears from my face. And he sat opposite me smiling, pleased with the impression he had made. It was on March 8, the International Women’s Day, in the distant Southern Hemisphere, at one of the New Zealand islands. No one around had ever heard of this holiday, even the Americans whose country it seemed to come from. My husband specifically asked all women we met if they knew about it … They just shrugged their shoulders, except Russians, who live as a separate community there. And from Russia, I received lots of congratulations.

Nevertheless, my husband decided to organize a holiday for me all singing all dancing. Two hours ago, watching the sunset at the sea shore, he confessed his love to me in such words I have not heard from him for all six years of our relationship. And then he organized the dinner… No, he did not take me to a restaurant, because we ate in restaurants almost every day during that journey. He had prepared comfort foods at our motel room, where there was nowhere to hide from each other, and managed to do it secretly from me. He even found candles… And when I discovered a very special gift and a card beside my plate, my heart simply could not stand it. So I sat and wept for joy. And he smiled.

One night a few months ago I suddenly discovered that I hated my beloved husband badly. I had enough of his automatic negative answers or silent sabotage in response to any proposal of mine… While meditating on that matter, I gave vent to my anger and frustration, and just beat him in my mind. I did not know that I hated him so much, and that there was so much of sadism in me!

My mental pictures became more frightening with each minute: I chased after him with a knife, I burned him in the fire, and I kicked his legs, and incidentally did the same with the men appearing in the process of meditation, starting from my casual acquaintances ending with my first husband and my dear father. With my father who did not let my mom live as she wanted even after his death, this situation repeated itself in my own life, when my first husband died being unable to admit that I could have been happy without him after his death.

In short, I allowed myself to do everything what was prohibited in reality during this process, including flinging plates and burning the house. I beat him like a pillow, with floss and feathers beaten out and flying all around, to knock the resistance out of him. I made a steak out of him to wrap around my knee like a band – you cannot even imagine how much of a creative pizzazz there was!

At first, he tried to resist and respond, but then he just tried to hide from me by fitting himself into some tiny crack. Those who know my husband can imagine the comicality of the situation when a large man of more than a six-foot stature is trying to hide in a crack out of rich of his petite wife.

The massacre of the innocent was accompanied by the “Hungarian Dances” by Brahms played vividly in my mind. By the way, since then, when I hear the “Hungarian Dances” on the radio, it is as a sign for me that all my problems are solved and it is not worth to worry about them.

The saturnalia lasted for quite a while until I just started to roar with laughter and had to leave the bedroom so as not to wake my husband who was sleeping peacefully beside me unaware about the tortures inflicted upon him. I got such a reserve of energy that could not fall asleep until the next morning. In the morning, my darling was the tenderest person in the world, and I remembered the early days of our relationship…

Of course, in reality I did not want to destroy my dear husband. I just needed to burn all my anger and despair to the last drop, until there was the last straw – when the “beating” turned into a farce and when I felt ridiculously of this show. But above all, I had to PERMIT myself to admit the feelings that I had always considered unacceptable and destructive for my family relationships. As a result, I just released the energy spent on keeping those feelings inside.

The most interesting thing is that never again I had had to repeat that amazing experience, because our relationships started to improve miraculously since that.

There is no mysticism in it. Simply, after getting rid of my anger, I was able to think more or less intelligibly. Then I had a question in my mind that I had to ask myself much earlier, before we decided to get married. But true, if I had it before, we would hardly have dared to change our lives at all. So everything happens when it happens and everything happens for the better. The question was, “How each of us imagined our co-existence?” 

To be continued

Categories: Family Matters
Tags: a Russian-speaking wife, a special gift, changing traditional approaches, Emotions, energy flow, Feelings, holiday celebration, Improvement, insights and discoveries, International Couple, international families, overcoming resistance